For the last Cricket Sunday of 2010 we decided to play the Christmas Cricket Charity Match with a fining system in place for all manner of mistakes and conditions. Everyone would have to pay a minimum fine of 10 soles and if the worse came to worse then 50 soles would be the salary cap. Obviously turning up late was a fine and this was something practically everyone did. Peru is not a country known for its punctuality. When you want people to arrive on time you have to insist ‘Hora Inglesa’ (English time). I don’t ever remember arriving late for a match whereas in England this would often be the case. Reasons given for lateness ranged from didn’t think it would happen to this classic text massage: “sorry I didn’t come today . Was drinking till 10am woke up thinking it was 11 but it was 4!” Not sure who its from but we can guess its either a Kiteflyer or a LCFC player or both!
The reason the game almost didn’t happen is because a cricket club who shall remain nameless in the South of Peru near the Chilean border didn’t send us the mat back in time. Had it not been for the sage words of the LCFC Hockey coach Paul Carera
“Ah don’t worry Julian we used to play all the time like that before we had a mat” the match may never have taken place.
So it was with some trepidation we spoilt modern mollycoddled Peruvian International Squad cricketers approached this Leviathan of a Lima Cricket Wicket. One has to understand that footballing thugs had been running over it just 24 hours hence. And the groundskeeper had only cut and rolled the wicket that morning. The Football pitch halfway line cut across the wicket as a quasi-marker for a just short of a good length ball. Apart from the occasional shooters the pitch was remarkably true and did assist seamers and left arm spin but apparently not offbreaks. Much more exciting than these dull Test wickets prepared in the Southern Continent. Its no wonder Test Cricket is dying. They should come and play at LCFC.
So we decided to call the teams Leslie and Deborah for no other reasons that these were the first two words to emerge from the skippers mouths when thinking of names for teams. Leslie is also the name of my wife’s favorite pet dog, so she was chuffed too, my wife not the dog because the poor thing passed away a couple of years ago. Anyway lest we digress. So Kash paid the first offical fine by being the toss losing skipper. Tim Nichols the other skipper decided to bat and he and Suresh galloped off to a useful start putting on around 70 for the first wicket with Suresh playing the support role to the master biffplay of Nichols. Tim is leaving at Christmas and it has to be said his absence will be missed. In the short time he has been a Lima Cricketer he has fast become everyone’s favorite and generally number one or two on any team list. Ed then batted and got yet another snorter. How many snorters has Ed got this year? Simply amazing, always impossible balls getting him out. They must follow him about like flies to cowpats.
Walter J in, playing fine timing himself in nice cut for four then a tickle of his legs for another boundary then a ball that just went straight through the gate as if Farmer Giles had forgotten to close it. Tim then retired (67 not out)with the score on 100 but there was enough time for Tony Saffer Sanford (27 not out) to smack Walter S for three consecutive fours (nice). Jorge Pancorovo got an absolute Jaffer from Simon Walter (fined for over celebrating) who was playing his final match before going to join the Washington Cricket League as their overseas player for the 2011 season. Apparently he answered an ad to Wanted Desperately Seeking Mud pie Slinger. He couldn’t resist it, and neither could his family. He will also be sorely missed, being one of the stalwart members of both the Peruvian National squad and Eidegennossen for the last 14 years. Only two other players can claim to greater longevity to Lima Cricket than him, Harry and Hans. So out with the old and in with the new. Sebastian a star of the future, a young Peruvian lad of 15 who learned to play last year, came onto play and managed to successfully score a few runs.
Deborah were set a gettable 143 as there were a few holes in the field due to it being an 8 a side game. Ed Baxter and Tim Nichols opened the bowling and basically fed Chris Hodgson and Miles Buesst a series of hittable longhops and not much else. Tony came on and Miles flashed his pink handle at another short ball which Suresh held firmly(the ball not the pink handle). Luis Grandjean came into bat. Louis is a new recruit to LCFC after he was persuaded to join us from London Universites (and if you believe that then …….) now we have lost Ed Baxter to the wily Kiteflyers. Apparently he wants to add Cricket skipper to his CV. Again out with the old and in with the new. Louis batted safely and serenely. Chris Hodgson (inte 40’s – fined) holed out to one longhop too many off Suresh and Walter J managed to extricate Kash with a sharp caught behind by Jorge who like Hodgy in the previous innings was keeping with a baseball glove (fined) as all the kit is wisely being kept in Harry’s office. But it did look like curtains for Leslie when Tim after bowling an over of old nails passed the ball to Walter J with just 9 required off two overs, and yes this was the moment of the Christmas Miracle! Julian bowled his usual wide for the over , Miles began his usual sledging of the bowler, but then next ball it happened, just there, with a ball that did oh so little as Louis holed out on 52 (half century on Dayboooo!)to Tim Hippo Hands Nichols; two balls later Dave Hatchett was stumped due to a rather thickly drawn line by the grounds man; then the final wicket was Peter Biese bowled behind his legs as he tried to avoid the ball by bending his knees. He later confessed that he had been hit earlier on the thigh and was afraid it might hit the same place……. J Walter 4 Overs, 4 for 16 PB.
Next over Tom Jolly was caught by Tony off Ed’s bowling, giving Leslie a quite remarkable victory. Simon was the Not Out Batsman, improving on the double duck he received last weekend. 39 overs and two balls were bowled. 282 runs were scored, 16 players batted and all could have won the match, 8 bowlers bowled and 7 Swans went swimming. We retired to the bar with a case of beer and 590 soles was raised for homeless children after all the different fines were totted up. Juliet Solomon and her father ably assisted in the fining. A wonderful way for Cricket Peru to end another remarkable year. first ever Cricket Peru interprovincial games and first ever Cricket Peru two tier League.
Below is the fines system for your perusal if you are still reading this article. I lost the fine sheet so can’t put names to fines, you’ll just have to trust me, suffice to say that Blackberry users were harshly adjudicated if they even waved one in the air! Sadly there is no photographic evidence to go along with this historical document.
Fines System for Sunday 12th December 2010
Minimum Fine is 10 Soles
Maximum Fine is 50 Soles (Unless you want to or are deemed to pay more)
Lateness: 4 soles
Dress: Dirty Whites 2 soles
No Whites 3 soles
Hangover the night before 4 soles
Captain losing toss 2 soles
New Equipment 1 sol per item
Duck 2 soles
Golden Duck 4 soles
Diamond Duck 8 soles
Team failing to bat whole innings each player 2 soles
Top 6 Batsman not making 10+ 2 soles
Batsman ending in 40's 2 soles
Batsman ending in 90's 4 soles
Any opposition bowler taking five wickets each batsman to pay 2 soles
Any player borrowing equipment 1 sol per piece
Picking the ball up while batting 2 soles
Run Out Both batsman 6 soles (split between batters)
Batting first - less than 100 - all players 2 soles
Breaking equipment - discretion of committee
Wides and noballs 1 sol each
Wicket off no ball 4 soles
6's hit off bowling 2 soles per boundary
Team bowling first opposition scores more than 150 each player 2 soles
Any oppo batter scores a 50+ each player 2 soles each
Dropped catches from dollies to hard 1 - 5 soles depending on committees view
Dropped catch followed by batsman scoring 10 or more runs 1 sol per 10 runs
Misfield 1 sol each
Byes 1/2 sol each bye
Overthrows/not backing up 1 sol per run conceded
General idleness, non-attempt, poor effort 1 to 5 soles
Fielding with feet 1 sol
Quietness in field 2 soles
Juliet and Umpires
Scoring errors 1 sol per mistake
Inappropriate Chat on field 2 -5 soles depending on gravitas of comment
Cellphones ringing 2 soles
Cellphones ringing during match 4 soles
Answering cellphones during match 10 soles
Due to fine adjudicators abhorence for Blackberries all fines will be doubled here.
Any fielder leaving field without skippers permission or knowledge 2 soles
Any player leaving without paying fines 5 soles
losing team 2 soles each
Anyone sleeping during match 5 soles
Drinking whilst still involved in game 5 soles
Any negative comments 2 soles
Yarns and stories of glory days 2 soles
The fines committee can amend the fine value at their discretion.
Juniors or under 18’s will pay half.
All money collected will be turned into toys and given over to a charity of the adjudicators choice